i know it’s healthier and i know that’s a popular choice now, but a cinnamon roll is never going to be healthy. it just isn’t. whole wheat doesn’t add anything to the mix for me; rather, it notably detracts from the delicious indulgence of the whole, which is the reason i picked it out in the first place.
grumble, grumble…
but sometimes that’s just what learning feels like.
i thought i was done with (almost) all the grammar errors and oversights, but i recently received another copy back from a reader who has the eyes of a grammatical hawk.
for me, as an English instructor and general grammar freak regarding my students’ work, it’s particularly bitter to see these items at this point. by no means did i expect anyone to find all of them, and many of the ones this reader has identified have, in fact, been pointed out by others, but i’d gotten rather proud of myself for dealing with ‘all’ the grammar issues.
ha, ha.
it is good to be humbled regularly, and to remember that we do not stand alone. further evidence of the importance of another set of eyes.
this doesn’t make it less painful, mind you, only more bearable.
i recently joined the mailing list for a rather invigorating and inspirational online magazine of fiction, called On The Premises [take a look at the March issue, including the very open and interesting Publisher's Note], and in the latest newsletter was one of their mini-contests, this one regarding worldbuilding. not the grand scale, overarching kind of worldbuilding, but the kind that turns the bland into the brilliant.
the contest was to write a very boring and basic sentence, then turn it into something intensely evocative and informing, to give a sense of the world and characters. the catch? keep the revision to one sentence, and no more than 30 words.
i haven’t done writing prompts in a while, and i don’t remember why. i really enjoy them and they help me find places i don’t think i’d've visited myself. thus sparked, i have just submit a couple (maximum entries: 2), before the deadline of this thursday.
however, since there were only two allowed, i thought i might post a couple that didn’t make it, but which i still really like. i’ll even go a step further and show a little of my own internal process by posting the various incarnations of the second one. love to hear what you think.
nota bene: i mentioned bland to brilliant as the intent; i didn’t say i’ve achieved it.
but i’m trying.
#1 – original:
He left her.
#1 – revised
It certainly hadn’t hurt and she hadn’t even meant to do it, but after he’d left her at the edge of the pond, still carrying his words about his new other ‘her’, she couldn’t resist the impulse to get back at him, even in so childish a manner.
#2 – original
They ran home.
#2 – revised: 1
They moved like bright leaves in the brisk autumn breeze, but Alice, with her own strangled heart, could only watch from the porch, as they skipped and skittered down the old dusty road, chasing each other with laughter through the clear afternoon.
#2 – revised:2
They moved like bright leaves in the brisk autumn breeze, but Alice could only watch from the porch and her own burdened heart, as they skipped and skittered down the old dusty road, chasing each other with laughter through the clear afternoon.
#2 – revised:3
They moved like bright leaves in the brisk autumn breeze, skipping and skittering along the old road, chasing their laughter through the clear afternoon, while Alice watched from the porch with a smile.
#2 – revised:4 (final)
They moved like bright leaves in the brisk autumn breeze, skipping and skittering along the old road, chasing their laughter through the clear afternoon, while Alice watched from the porch rocker with quiet content.
as you can see from the later changes in the second one, i had a realization that most of my stuff lately has been rather depressing. while i like the opposition of the laughter and the unspoken darkness in the first two tries, i really felt like having something simply positive would be nice to try.
you can also see what can drive some people crazy (perhaps you) about my process: what’s the difference? versions 2.1 and 2.2 have a single clause in different places, respectively. it’s the same clause, and the exact same sentence; i’ve simply rearranged a single piece. why? which sounds better. does it matter? does one mean something different than the other? no, of course not. but there’s a weight, a momentum, a flow to a sentence when it’s properly constructed, that carries the reader (i hope) to a deeper place, a more evocative understanding of the message.
this is what i struggle with most in my revisions. the genuine errors (in grammar, character, logic or plot) are easy. finding the best word in the best place? that’s what gets me.
and what i love.
one other thing about these pieces: they all were written entirely on the computer, which is not common for me. as i think i’ve mentioned before, i prefer handwriting because it allows me to self-edit as i go. on the computer, i can type nearly as fast as i think (sometimes faster), which is great for speed, but also means more of the debris in my thoughts reaches the page, requiring more editing.
however, there’s another reason that’s always hung around in the back of my brain that i never was able to fully articulate until this morning, though it seems perfectly self-evident now. on the computer, editing is easy (click, drag, delete, copy, etc.), but once it’s edited, the original is gone .* when i handwrite, i can scratch something out so i can never read it again, but i almost never do that**, meaning no matter how much i revise something, i can always get back to the original.
granted, in most cases, the original was revised for a reason, so there’s no reason to go back, but, particularly in my revision process, i can take a dozen or more (sometimes many more) tries at a particular paragraph, or even sentence, only to discover that an early attempt, even the original, is, in the end, superior to my attempts to make it even better. thus, without access to the earlier versions, i may (and probably will) have only a half-remembered sense of that better version.
of course, there is an argument to be made that if it wasn’t good enough to remember, then it probably wasn’t terribly fantastic to begin with. i generally agree with this, as much as it can hurt, but even so, after 125,000 words, even some great passages can be lost.***
well, if you’re still reading, thanks for sticking with me, and don’t forget to leave a comment about the sentences, if you’re interested.
now to turn all this to HHNF…
* yes, there are certainly ways around this, like engaging the draft mode to track all changes, but it’s an imperfect system that sometimes tracks an entire sentence, sometimes each individual character, making the whole quite bulky, in my experience, so i don’t use them. ‘undo’ works great, certainly, but only in a given instance. once i’ve closed the document, i can’t go back.
** it takes considerable effort to really obliterate something with pencil and serves no purpose other than to vent my frustration
*** i’m still haunted by a passage from Witness which i cut out because i thought it was too much at the time, but which later turned out to have been a perfect scene of transition for Rick and Jerra. unfortunately, i’ve never been able to recover that scene the way i remember it affecting me. every few months i’ll remember it and have a dig round, but still nothing.
i’ve been making some strong headway on the HHNF outline and i can feel the momentum building to start the actual ‘writing’, which is always a thrill.
most of all, it means i’ve gotten past that repeatedly unexpected* moment when i sit down at the desk, pick up the pencil and hold it over an empty piece of paper, intending to start a new story. right at that moment, i find myself being pulled backward, almost a physical sensation, and i’m stuck, trapped by my own understanding of what’s to come.
it’s not the story that scares me, but the coming months of writing, re-writing, pangs of self-doubt, thrills of excitement, stretches of near-emptiness, and so on, before i’ll be done. i can see it all ahead, and i get a distinct sense of ‘wouldn’t it be easier to just do something else**?’
and it certainly would be easier, and sometimes i do do those other things, but i also always return to a simple fact: i love doing this. for all the rollercoaster that it often is, i have a fantastic time, even the worst of times is better than doing something i dislike.
okay, gotta go. company’s arrived for sunday dinner, so quickly, i stumbled across a couple reviews of Witness which i didn’t know were out there. the first was someone who posted a great comment on BarnesAndNoble.com last October (yes, i’m a slacker), and the second was a review from The Midwest Book Review, which posted to amazon a couple weeks ago, which was even more fantastic!
okay, ignoring guests (family, no less). bad bill.
* it happens every time, but it still surprises me
** sweep the floors, dust the shelves, spackle the den, re-arrange the porch, clean the bathroom, do the laundry, walk the dog, balance the checkbook, or, best of all, blog about the inability to write…
a VERY good morning’s writing, and after the recent scarcity of HHNF work, it feels fantastic.
the outline fell almost completely into place, this morning. i say fell, but it wasn’t quite that easy. i had to try a couple outlining exercises to get my mind around the whole thing, but the workout really paid off and i am thrilled!
i say all this right now, in the flush of the moment, but i’ve just finished re-writing the outline and it still holds together very well. very exciting. there are still a few smaller gaps, but the order really feels right, both in pacing and content. there were two major items that contributed to this result, i think:
a very good morning, indeed.
now, to work.
* i still expect to write the scenes at some point, but perhaps as separate short stories.
** even better, this opens a number of doors of very cool future story developments, which make perfect sense, now that i’ve seen the light.
but in a really good way.
last night i attended the poetry slam held at the college i work at, and it was a fantastic time. we had several local poets of all stripes, styles and ages, which was a genuine pleasure to experience. from haiku (or baiku, “since there are two of them”) to free verse to traditional to improvisational to slam/spoken word, from 18 year-olds to 25′s to 30-somethings to… well, older, it was a very full night. it was all the more inspiring to learn that every one of the poets calls maine home. there’s a lot of talent, here.
beyond those specifically invited to present last night, the ‘professional’ poets, there was an open poetry reading for anyone in the audience, which resulted in even more powerful and intense poetry, ranging all over the map, from many of our very own students and staff.
i certainly can’t do justice to each one, except to say it all kicked my ass. seriously. i won’t say i loved every piece, but, like my favorite radio station, i don’t always like what they play, but i love that they play it. it’s great to be challenged. and, for the most part, the audience of mainly students honored those who spoke, which was as much an accomplishment as anything else, for those of you who’ve ever taught at a school and tried to get students into extra-curricular activities.
even my wife jumped in at the last minute! she gave a reading of a piece she’d done “A Dictionary of Non-Verbal Expressions”, which she’d had no intention of sharing and hadn’t even considered as poetry before, but the audience loved it, laughing all the way through. it was brilliant.*
i read, too, from my piece that started back with the push broom, “Easter is cancelled”, and, while i still think there’s much to be done, my wife reminded me that i’m not always my best critic. of course, i was still tweaking it on the drive up to the slam, and had to retype it on her computer making us ten minutes late** because of all my scribbles, but it came out rather well, in the end. perhaps i’ll see about submitting it… right, because i need something else to distract me from working on HHNF, eh?
which reminds me: stop rambling and get to work, you lazy, distractable bugger, because that book isn’t going to write itself.
final thought about the slam: same as the first one, really: it was fantastic. and awe-inspiring. and eye-opening. i was deeply, deeply impressed. thank you to all who performed.
* and no, i’m not biased. she’s just plain awesome. you got a problem with that?
** which, in true poetry reading style, meant we were ten minutes early.
first, quick updates:
that last item is today’s focus. the poem’s been rolling around in my head for a little while, and it feels like it could be fantastic, but each time i try to put it to words, it fizzles into something without direction or impetus. i thought i was making good progress, this morning, finally, but after a little break and looking back at it, it feels hollow.
as i’ve mentioned before, poetry is not my strength, but i’m enjoying the challenge of it. i guess i just need more practice.
if the poem doesn’t work out (and the school work i’ve put off to spend the morning on this means that it probably won’t because i don’t have any more real free time before tomorrow evening), i have a fallback, thanks to my wife’s brilliant suggestion. i’ll probably be reading one of my most beloved poems, which my mother used to read to us as children before bed.
reading it now, i wonder at the content for a young child, but this poem was the first thing i can consciously recall that stirred my imagination with an intensity i still remember. in fact, i can still recite most of it from heart, and i haven’t read it in a couple years.
we shall see…
NGD passed another hurdle unexpectedly last week when my dad finished the book and said he really enjoyed it! again, yes, he’s my dad, but i got to spend some time with him this weekend and talk some more about it and he clearly did enjoy it. he even asked my mom how i wrote it so that he kept not wanting to put it down.*
one thing he said about the book, which made me feel particularly good: that kelly and her situations were more ‘normal’ and ‘real’ than what he was used to in fiction, referring specifically to the reality of her world and her reactions to it. she does things or things happen to her that happen in real life, but that are usually left out of books. these things didn’t overwhelm the narrative, but they made the world and characters more concrete and believable, even in the face of the distinctly un-real things that go on. this is one of the very things i was hoping to achieve and to hear him mention it on without me prompting was fantastic.
i know i sound like a kid who got a gold star at school, but i don’t care. my parents enjoyed my book!
* he did, of course, find a handful of typos, but i call that a fair trade.
oh, poor me, i know.
but really, i’m sitting in front of the computer, preparing the email to send the submission for my latest short story (which underwent a name change from Hunting & Trapping to What’s Love Got To Do With It?), and it’s simply embarrassing how much time i spend flipping back and forth between the email and the potential site/magazine information, making sure i’ve got the correct name to address to, making sure i’ve got the contents of the ‘cover letter’ right, that the email is right, that i don’t tweak anything at the last minute because that’s always dangerous, that i’ve either attached the story as a separate file (which may or may not be .doc, .rtf., .opd, etc.) or inline, and if it’s inline to make sure that when i copy and paste that i also strip off the now-redundant top copy with my name and contact info and such.
and then, i check it all over again. seriously. hours.
it feels harder than writing the stories sometimes.
and i still get things wrong. this morning, for instance, a site wanted the file in an attachment. i’d read this a hundred times as i checked out the site for potential submission, reading the stories, etc. and yet, i clicked send three seconds before remembering that fact. i sent another email with the file attached, but i doubt i’ll get a second look, there. as i tell me students, if you can’t follow minor directions, why should anyone trust you with larger considerations?
but it’s done.
now back to HHNF!
so, i’ve been rather sparse on the writing recently. i’m blaming the end of the semester workload and the arrival of spring (meaning i can play outside again, with power tools, no less), but last night i had a couple clear hours and managed a good bit of revision on the short story ‘Hunting & Trapping’.
in fact, as i sat with my cup of tea and the dog on the deck in the evening light, i thought i’d cracked the ending, which has been nagging at me. it’s been an okay ending, but something felt off, so i’ve been pecking away at it for about a week in 5 and 10 minute increments. well, with the devoted time last evening, i came up with what felt like the answer, so i rushed inside to type it up.
no sooner had i deleted the previous ending (because it was a genuine revision rather than a glorified edit), than the secondary character spoke up for the first time, adding a single sentence in place of my several (but not too many!) paragraphs. i honestly have no idea where the thought came from, or why, but there, typing out on the screen before consciously registering in my mind, was the real ending to the story. better yet, it inverted the entire story in a way i had not expected.
how does this happen? how can i write and write about these people, and think i’m doing justice to their characters and storyline, only to discover i’ve been barking up the wrong tree? i just don’t know. part of me wants to know, but more of me is thrilled with the mystery.
to that point, i feel certain i wouldn’t have reached this conclusion, had i not continued to work closely with these characters and push myself to figure out what was really going on and why (mostly the why, really). i tried probably three distinctly separate endings, with several other smaller variations on each, only to rule each out.
yes, this change did require some further adjustment of a couple other parts of the story, but each adjustment revealed a tighter, stronger passage.
in fact, i think this qualifies as my first new rule in several months.