at least, that’s what i have to tell myself right now. i was cruising along and taking names, as previously discussed, right through monday. it felt awesome.

tuesday - pffzzt.

today - pfiffle.

to be fair, i wrote probably 3 pages on tuesday.
to be honest, every one of them was crap. truly.
worse, still, a couple of monday’s pages turned out to be misdirected and therefore unusable, too.
i hit a place in the story where my outline was much more shallow than it should have been. looking back, i remember feeling very positive about being able to fill it in on the fly.

ha. ha. ha.

the last couple of days were a lot of driving (appointments, previous engagements, interviews, visiting my grandmother for the first time in far too long [hi gram! and please don't check this blog for grammar!]), but i took the paper and pencil with me and sat in the car in between times and forced myself through the block. i hated it, and all the words felt like sludge being dragged out of the bottom of an ancient carburetor (okay, i don’t know what a carburetor is, does, or whether it can have sludge or not, but too bad). i lost all the wind of the last two weeks of smooth sailing. i was dead in the water, paddling in place.

not a happy time.

the forced writing continued, and eventually became less aimless doodling and more actual words, and from there evolved back into a more detailed sub-outline, which is where i should have been in the first place. it wasn’t quite there yet, but before i slipped back into brooding self-pity, i put myself in front of the computer with the remaining handwritten pages. typing them in brought me back to the place where the energy was, where things felt good, and where i believed in the story, in the characters, and in my ability to do it justice (and even without typing them all up, i have 95 pages, or nearly 1/3 done!). the truth of whether i succeeded or not, obviously, lies in the hands of potential readers some time from now, but for the moment, for today, it put my mind back in the right place, and i can’t wait for tomorrow morning after a good night’s sleep.

on reflection, i had to know this was going to happen at some point. it’s rather like being sick. i don’t actually enjoy being sick (truly sick, i mean), but whenever i am sick, i always look forward to that moment when i wake up, breathe deep and feel alive again. if i were never sick, how would i know what it felt like to be healthy? how could i know to be thankful?

this was all fine and good an idea to start with, to get myself caught up on the typing. if only. not only did i have more than 10 handwritten pages to type up, but i let myself slip into some revision, which i’ve been expressly trying to avoid. thus, three hours later, i still hadn’t started the day’s quota, and my wife had to remind me, though so subtly that it took three attempts because i can be rather overwhelmingly oblivious sometimes, that she was on her last vacation days before at least mid-terms and wouldn’t it be great if we spent some time together.

i did finally get three and half pages just before dinner, but it threw my momentum off and i was starting to get a little panicky about not making it.

so, lesson learned: writing before typing. do the new work before going back to the old.

broken down in other increments, i wrote 36 hand-written pages, meaning each handwritten page equals roughly 425 typed words. it also means i’m averaging just over 5 hand-written pages/day, or a little more than 2000 words/day. i know it’s not the same thing, but i remember high school and getting the assignment for the 2000 word essay and thinking i would probably die before i finished that much, and i had months to write it, too.

the last measure is the number of chapters. i have broken the outline into 52 chapters, as of the start of the writing. i knew already that there would be some longer than others, obviously, and some might get merged into others, but for purposes of this little mental excercise, i’m keeping myself to the numbering of those chapters, even if they actually merge or break apart in the final draft. so, as of sunday, i had just begun chapter 10, of 52, putting me roughly on target with chapters as i am with word count. someone better at mathematics and statistics can explain whether or not that is an expected outcome, but for now i just think it’s kind of neat.

now, i already have 4 more pages from monday, which haven’t been added into any of this, and i will try to get more daily-focused. however, today is an exception, as i am helping my brother and his family move to massachussetts today, so there will be likely no writing. other than this, obviously. anyway, my goal is never to carry more than one day’s writing over, so I have 1 extra page from yesterday, meaning i need to write 5 pages on weds.

i’m really getting into this process!

second, i’m cruising along on my next novel. it’s a departure from All Prophets Are Liars (book 2 will follow directly, i promise), but only because i had this idea pushing its way out. i’ve also used this idea to push the use and development of my outlining process. Witness caught me short-sighted a few times because the initial outline, while clear enough, didn’t get redressed when things began to move away from the original target. the move was not bad, and suited the characters more than the rough outline did, but once i left the outline, i was keeping it all in my head.

further, and this is a totally post facto ‘aha!’, if i had spent more time beforehand with the characters, and, by association, with the outline, i don’t believe i would have had as much catch up and adjusting to do along the way. so, i have tried to remedy this with this new book, with in-depth character profiles, and three versions of the outline, from rough outline down to fairly (sometimes significantly) detailed outline and back out to chapter-based summary outline.

as a great technology mentor of mine was fond of saying, “Two months of coding will save you two weeks of planning.” while i thought i was on the right track with Witness, i realized afterward how much more i could have done to make my life easier.

thus, this process. now, i’m sure any writers reading this will smile indulgently at my naivete, and that’s okay. i’ve got to learn sometime, and i tend to learn most from my mistakes. that’s why i call them learning experiences…

anyway, to keep myself honest, and in an attempt to validate the suppositions i have made about this pre-work, i have added a progress meter for the new book. the current code name is “No Good Deed”, and that’s all i’ll say about it, other than i’m expecting it to be about 325 pages, roughly 80,000 words.

following an example related by Mr. Durham at readercon, i have given myself a minimum requirement of 3 pages each day, which i must present to my wife for proof of my work. this is not for her to read or judge or anything, but simply to give me someone else to be responsible to. it worked for him, so why not give it a try?

three pages is the absolute minimum. i’m unemployed until the start of the school year, and have no excuses. i started on monday, and have produced the requisite pages daily. on tuesday, i believe, i did 5. that doesn’t sound like much, but i’m requiring 3 hand-written pages/day. i use the blank backs of old printouts destined for recycling from the office, and i tend to cramp my writing together, so 3 handwritten pages has meant between 5 and 6 typed pages. now, the typing comes when i hit blocks with the writing, so it may not always be up to date on the word progress, so i’ll be keeping a count of hand-written pages, too.

As of this moment, i have 16 hand-written pages done, and i’m still 1 short for today.

of course, spending all this time blogging about what i’m doing, instead of actually doing it, isn’t helping any…

all the panels i attended were very interesting, including some seeming long-shots which turned out to be excellent surprises. i was able to sit in on several readings, as well. all in all, it felt like a very good intro for me. i learned a number of things about giving readings, presentations, etc., both in panels and in the readings themselves, and it was great to have the range of content present.

i think i did an excellent impression of a wallflower this year, but who knows what next year may bring.

one particular panel struck home, with that ‘well duh!’ affirmation of self-evidency that makes me feel like an idiot so often. this one was ‘waking up sober next to a story idea’, and the panel included kay kenyon, jennifer pelland, jeffrey carver, paolo bacigalupi, david anthony durham, and allen steele. describing, essentially, how to deal with those moments in writing when the story suddenly feels like junk, without any legs, and incapable of sustaining itself, when it felt so brilliant to begin with, the various authors touched upon all the main fears (self-doubt; self-pity; fear of marketability), and the tools for overcoming them (putting it away for a while [days/weeks/years]; bullying your way through, sentence after sentence; taking an entirely different tack [change pov/location/etc.]).

as i said, none of these things was unusual or earth-shattering (though all of their anecdotes were good fun, at least in the retelling), but i have to admit it was the affirmation of their shared experiences, not unlike those i’ve been feeling in starting this next book, which made me feel viable again. i had contemplated not going to readercon, mostly because i was feeling useless and unproductive and unoriginal and uninteresting (a lot of ‘un-’ words). this panel helped me out of that funk. again, i know all these things, intellectually, but i clearly needed someone else to say them out loud to remember them.

to wit, i owe my wife an enormous apology for not hearing her when she’s said the exact same things.

anyway, it’s monday morning, the 21st of july, and I’m off to start writing another book. thank you, readercon!

it’s usually in the days when i’m not feeling the creative vibe, obviously (and of which there have been far too many recently), but there are still some days where i’m feeling pretty good about things, progress appears to be happening, and then, whammo, i get that reality check that says, essentially, ‘what were you thinking?’

that’s usually because i haven’t read my work out loud recently, or haven’t tried to convey it to another person, meaning the half-boiled creations are sloshing around in my brain and occasionally giving off bubbles of momentary brilliance, blinding me to the encompassing fog surrounding them. it’s only when i do read it out loud or try to relate the story to someone else that the yawning chasms between seemingly coherent thoughts and scenes become obvious. even worse are the gaps between what i’ve written on the page and what i’ve left in my brain, expecting the readers to find the necessary storyline spelunking gear to make the cross themselves.

i know, this is well-known fact for most writers, but, like everything else, it seems easier to tell someone else to do it than to do it myself.

but this is all perfectly okay. at least i’m still trying, right?

god, i hope so. it’s almost time for my banana.

so what? well, i dunno, really, but it’s neat to see it up there, anyway.

long version: no-one at iUniverse made me aware of this. i got tired of waiting and pestered my borders contact and asked him to see if it had been fixed. he checked, it was, and the discount was even correct, amazingly.

after my latest phone call a few days ago, during which i rehashed the entire situation with yet another series of largely sympathetic and understanding first-level customer service representatives, both of whom investigated further while i was on the phone (which i thought was very nice), i was no farther than i was before.

the first rep’s investigations revealed that i had apparently requested changes to my book in May and therefore the turnaround for making the changes and getting the book back to print was 45 days.

but, um…i didn’t make any changes.

backpedalling slightly, as she was only relaying information from a third party who was not directly on the line, the rep said there must have been a ‘hiccup’ which would still yield the 45 day delay.

hm. yeah. which is to say, no. i need to speak to someone else.

i was duly transferred, went through the issues again, stating this time that i needed to know what ‘hiccup’ had happened to my book production. period.

this rep did research, returning to tell me that there was no hiccup and that the system showed everything fine, both at iUniverse and at Lightning Source (the physical printer). she didn’t have an answer as to why the erroneous info had been relayed, but she was firm that there was no such issue.

she also, however, didn’t have an answer as to why it was showing in Ingram as unavailable. she was also fairly firm that she believed i had to resolve this with Ingram directly.

um…

but she said she’d research it and call me back. that was a couple days ago.

so, on a frustrated whim, i just called borders and he checked and there it was. available, proper discount, ready to order.

so, really, i’m thrilled that it’s back to normal and i can start visiting calling bookstores again to see if anyone would be willing to carry it and not fear the embarrassment again. this is a good thing. i’m thankful. i really am.

but…

i mean really, how hard is it to drop me a note?

near the end of april, i sent a copy of Witness to an online fantasy/sf book review blog who said they’d be interested in giving it a go, but apparently the package never arrived. i got distracted in the intervening time, however, and never followed up*, and i would have missed the chance completely if the blogger hadn’t emailed me yesterday to ask about the book, noting that the book had never arrived.

how cool is that? the blogger contacted me to ask about the book. even cooler, the blogger asked if i wanted to send it along again, as there was still interest reading it; to which i responded something vaguely more intelligent than “well, duh!” before racing out to the post office.

not to put too much into it, but this is just one of those things that feels great to be impacted by, and i am thankful. restores the faith in the human race and all that. (i’m not mentioning the blog/blogger by name as i’m not sure whether there might be some interpretation of obligation for review or whatever and though i tend to overthink such things, i’d rather err on the side of caution. anyway, the blog in question is one of the book review blogs on my sidebar, so share the love and give them all a visit.)

* the vast majority of my mailings (review copies/manuscripts/query letters) are within the US and i use the Priority Mail envelope, plus the delivery confirmation, so i don’t have to pester folks. however, for international mailings, like this blog, the USPS doesn’t do delivery confirmation, so i have to remember to touch base with these folks after a couple weeks.

[this is really just a leftover moan from last week, but for purposes of full disclosure of the *ahem* joys of this unemployed writing life, and to emphasize the recent issues with iUniverse, i am posting it]

it’s depressing to see that the last of these self-promotion posts was made on April 10th, though more depressing that the experience related therein is distinctly different (and far more positive) than the one i’m about to relate. ah, well, these things must happen, right?

ten days ago, i left my job. nine days ago, my wife and i started right into a long-planned long-weekend, including two Dave Matthews Band concerts (NY[Saratoga Springs] and MA[Greatwoods/Tweeter Center/Comcast Village/Whoever-Owns-It-Now]), some long-overdue visits to CT and Boston to visit with some friends, a job interview for me, and a day of hitting as many Boston area bookstores as humanly possible in an attempt to spread my book’s exposure outside of Maine (and since it is set, at least in part, in the Boston area, I thought it might be a nice hook).

Overall, this was a very good thing, and we even managed to squeeze in a day of time at home to catch up on the laundry, the garden, and the mowing(woohoo!). However, that last bit about the bookstores turned out to be the lowest point of the whole deal. from the beginning it fell apart.

• i forgot the directions to the Borders in Burlington.
• at the Burlington Barnes & Noble, i was told that they had no listing anywhere in their databases for the paperback version and that the hardcover was not stocked in the B&N warehouses, in addition to not showing unavailable through Books In Print. i would have to contact their corporate office to figure out the paperback gap, and there was nothing to be done about ordering it until it became available again.
• we continued on my list of potential bookstores toward Medford and a store that seemed to be an excellent fit from its website. except it was boarded up like in some kind of third world country, between the humming local businesses packed all around it.
• after that lovely surprise, we hit a Waldenbooks in a mall in the direction of the concert. of course, as was then to be expected, the manager found the book unavailable in her systems, and could not therefore order it. i knew it was futile, but i was right there and had to try.
• finally fed up, and actually near one of the last public payphones in existence (apparently), i called iUniverse and was determined to get an answer. until 15 seconds into the call when the line went dead because of the massive thunder and lightning storm that suddenly exploded outside.

the moral? well, as the title implies: call ahead first. i know i should’ve expected the ‘unavailability’ at Borders (and therefore Waldenbooks) and B&N (and therefore B. Dalton), but i wanted to believe that iUniverse was working on it and getting the problem solved. as i’ve described elsewhere, however, this was not so (and, for reference, it is still not so).

this isn’t all about iUniverse, though, as i really should’ve called B&N in the first place to see if they follow any specific corporate guidelines to taking local authors (such as requiring all books they sell to be stocked in their own warehouses before putting them on their shelves - i still have to research this one), and i should’ve called the independent bookstores on my self-made tour to make sure a)they were in businesss, and b)they would be willing to carry a copy or two of a fantasy novel from a local, self-published, POD author whose books can’t be returned for credit.

ah, learning experiences. gotta love ‘em.